A Soldier's Widow
by stonykitten
Summary: It was a new world in that small round 'window' and Riku could see it all: his tears, his pain and his love for that insuferable man. Yaoi


Warning: deals with male/male relationship, slight incest? (Even though there is no blood relations…still)

Disclaimer: Most characters, places, objects etc do not belong to me.

Vaguely Inspired (read: fed the plot bunnies cookies) by Mishima Yukio _The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea _I'd recommend it, its short and absolutely beautiful.

Chapter one

Without a word and with a simple pat on the shoulder Cloud closed Riku's bedroom door. His hand hovered on the lock for a moment before retreating. No, he will trust him to day to not to run off somewhere. It was the boys own fault for sneaking out the other night. Many interrogations fallowed but Riku did not say where he was going no matter how much Cloud glared and threatened him.

They lived at the outskirts of Radiant Garden; in a house Riku's father had built. He build the house just for Riku and Cloud, while he was away at war.

Forbidden to go with Cloud to his shop one morning and drowning in boredom, Riku decided to redecorate his room. That's when he found it – a small hole in the wall just behind his dresser. He sank to his knees and put his hands flat against the wall, pressing himself as much as he could to see better: the spring light shimmered in Cloud's room, casting a sensual gleam in the empty bedroom. He had seen the room before, but now in this light, looking at it from the restricted angle it looked completely different as if it were a new realm on its own.

The shinny brass bed still was in the same spot against the right wall, the metal reflecting the sunlight and shimmering on the embroidered pillows that decorated the bed. A black yukata lay neatly on the bed, blending with the dark blue colours of the spreads. Next to it stood a dressing table with a single mirror. A brush was placed in the middle of the table, some perfume and aromatic powders neatly stood at the back of the table lining the mirror. His father enjoyed the various scents.

Across from them a large window glimmered. It was open with the light cream curtains blowing in the wind. Beyond the wooden frame a patch of deep blue sky shone. It looked endless,  
only a black thin line marred the background, where the mountains met the clouds.

Riku held his breath as he watched the room silently. Suddenly he pushed away scrambling from the small hole. Panicking he moved his dresser over the spot. Breathing hard the boy leaned against the piece of furniture. The room - it looked like it belonged to a stranger. Riku felt as if he were violating something, something private and divine.

When he went into the room next day to ask Cloud to lunch, the room lost its splendour – now it was bland and simple, like any room was supposed to be. Riku shifted nervously. He wanted to see it again, that forbidden world.

Shortly after he found the hole he began spying on Cloud at night. He would press against the wall dreading to even utter a breath. Riku would push away the dresser and observe as his brother got ready for the night. He would suck in the air as cloud let his garments drop to the floor; aqua eyes fallowed that sculptured body as it shifted around the room. The blond never took long – 10 minutes the longest – before falling under the blankets.

Never has he observed another person's body so closely. Cloud's slim in a way feminine frame, corded with perfect muscles slightly shone in the dim light of the over head lamp. His eyes lowered as he walked in from the shower only a towel wrapped around those slim hips. Water cascaded down the beautiful skin, catching on the shape of the muscles. He would shake his head, the blond spikes rampant even when wet. A calloused hand would etch its way into those beautiful spikes and stop, tugging at some knots slightly. With a sigh from pale pink lips and a selfish smile, Cloud would discard his towel and fall asleep naked under his cotton sheet.

Only when Cloud fell asleep did Riku back away, pushed the dresser into its spot and crawl into his bed. His father's lover was truly beautiful.

At the age of thirteen Riku already knew a lot about himself. For one, he knew that from the moment a person was born he was destined to die and all that he did in his life was tend to the lady of the end. He as well knew that the world he lived in was full of lies, constricted by silly laws and expectations that where completely unnecessary. There should be only permissible things and those who naturally were forbidden. Love was permissible, so were the sea and the sky. Happiness that fell out of the definition of happiness was allowed as well.

The beauty of his brother however was forbidden. No man was too great or too small to view up on that unearthly humanity, when the blond thought he was by himself. Through his small mirror to Cloud's world, Riku saw the older male do things he never thought he was capable off. Cloud wept and laughed, he cursed as he stumbled over his shoes and would talk to himself until he fell asleep. He was so human, so perfect – a fallen angel stripped of his wings.

But man was a vile creature, craving for what is forbidden.

Riku starred at the spectacle before him. Tears slowly prickled his eyes as he watched the violation of the utmost perfection by a simple man.

Cloud had left early that morning saying that he had a client that day. _An important, impatient client_ the blonde stressed before leaving into the chilly spring morning. Riku didn't think that the beautiful dark blue kimono on deep crimson under robe would keep him warm. But Cloud never listened to reason; he always said he would be fine. Riku watched him open the door, the cheeky sunlight caressing the pale features.

At ten Riku retired to his bedroom. An uneasy feeling gnawed at his heart – what if something happened to Cloud. He tried to tell himself that he cared because Cloud embodied the perfect beauty that refused to give in and took suffrage upon himself for the sins of those around him. He was a brooding figure, surrounded by the holy light and a halo above his head, his white wings dapped in blood and thrown at his feet. Deep down, the teen knew, that it was not because of his idealistic views, no, it was because he grew to love and care for Cloud. The blond was his brother and his only parent.

It came as an act of treason when he pressed himself against the wall and watched Cloud enter his room. Riku heard the door shut downstairs and footsteps on the wooden floors. _He must be drunk_ Riku's heart sped up. On the days when Cloud went out drinking he was the most vulnerable - his bluer than the sky eyes shining with warm, bitter tears. What he saw made him wish he never got out of the bed.

Cloud entered the room fallowed by a brunet man. Riku couldn't see his features, only that he was taller than Cloud and built in a similar fashion albeit broader than Cloud. While the blond oozed of boundless inner strength, the man stank of danger, he stank of blood. Riku's breath hitched, why did Cloud bring a man with him? Where he threatening his brother? Riku knew that if that was the case he couldn't do a thing – he was too small to take on the man and the nearest neighbours where miles away. The only place nearby was the army barracks, but even those were at least half an hour away.

'Cloud' the man said his arms snaking around the blonde's waist undoing the obi. Those large hands, shadowed in the pale moonlight moved up as the white garment hit the floor fallowed by the rest of Cloud's attire. His breath sharpened and gentle arms wrapped around the large ones stilling them. The man moved his head, his hair covering his face, but Riku could guess what he was doing from the way Cloud arched his back, the way he gasped.

Moments later both found themselves on the bed, drenched in sweat and moonlight. Their moans and gasps invaded Riku's mind as he watched the two bodies move in a private dance. Riku felt as if he were a part of a demonic possession. The man, like a devil, came in uninvited, unwanted and latched onto the tortured form filling it with his essence, taking over the poor cherubs mind and body.

'Leon!'

The blonde's shout echoed of the barren walls of the room mixing with foul groans. The two bodies stilled in rapture collapsing on the bed. Riku watched them shift, Cloud cuddling up to his lover.

Riku was supposed to be angry. How dare cloud sleep with another man? In his father's bed! How dare that foul faceless man touch his brother? How can he even think of soiling this perfection? Riku couldn't even bring himself to scowl at the fact that Cloud had the gal to scream some other man's name. All he knew was the choked wet and ecstatic picture in front of him.

Riku stumbled away from the wall, barely remembering to push the dresser in its place. The teen collapsed in his bed, aqua eyes starring into the night, mind blank of thought….

A/N: yes They are OOC . Riku is being a bastard to write and yeah… Ima continue this though even if nobody reads it *sigh*.

This maybe the longest thing I've ever written O-o.

Thanks for coming this far though

~Stony


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